She fought with everything she had. Kicking, yelling, making a scene. Eventually, this much larger person put her down and took off.

Criminals want an easy mark. They don’t want a fight. Even unskilled resistance, if sustained for usually no more than a minute or two, will result in the criminal giving up.

Think puffer fish. A little fish. A cute fish actually. So cute it earned the nickname “hamster of the sea”. But don’t scare the hamster. It will blow up to more than three times it’s size, like a balloon, covered in unappetizing spikes. Even when the most terrifying, toothy shark tries to devour a puffer fish, it gets an unexpected surprise that results in being spit out.

Naturally, we don’t want to ever have to deploy our spikes. But never forget that you have them and they work.

This story, however, didn’t end like most seem to. The little girl in this story saved her own life. Her success plan? Quick thinking and some good old fashioned stubbornness.

A young man abducted this 9 year-old girl on her way home from school in Southern Colorado. His vehicle broke down and a passer-by picked up the pair on the side of the road and drove them to a convenience station. Once they arrived, the little girl ran inside and got the man behind the counter to let her make a phone call “to her Uncle”. She called 9-1-1.

When the abductor tried to get her to leave with him, she stood her ground and declared, “I ain’t going nowhere. I’m waiting for my momma.” At which point, her abductor turned tail and fled. Shortly there after, he was very quickly captured and arrested.

Beyond the excellent outcome of this story, it’s a touchstone for every woman who thinks she isn’t strong enough to defend herself. I believe each of us has everything we need to defend ourselves already within us. Intuition and protective instincts. We use it for our children but shrug when it comes to using our gifts to keep ourselves safe.

This story is a glowing example of how we don’t need any special training to save our own lives. Just a willingness to listen to our gut and take action.

Stay frosty Ladies.

Will this change how rape is prosecuted?

No.

So why is this so important?

Because it allows more rape survivors to be COUNTED. Increased Statistics = Increased Money Allocation.

Now that organizations like National Center for Injury Prevention and Control and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention can more accurately count these crimes against women, the reporting will more accurately reflect the prevalence of these crimes. The higher the numbers, the bigger the problem, the more money gets allocated for prevention, education, survivor assistance and support.

This is all good news. To read the complete article about this positive step forward toward equality for women go to:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/courts-law/us-scraps-8-decades-old-fbi-definition-of-rape-to-count-more-people-as-victims-including-men/2012/01/07/gIQAEhoZgP_story.html

Slowly but surely, when survivors are ready to stand in the light of their truth and bring their abusers out of the shadows, the cycle of violence slows.

This is the invaluable piece of the puzzle. Reducing fear.

“Victims” are always afraid of something, naturally they continue to attract circumstances that further victimize them. Confident people aren’t generally on the radar of those who would seek to harm or take advantage of another.

If the key to safety is fear reduction, who says that physical skills are the only way to get there? I believe there are many different ways to increase your confidence and stop living under the unnecessary burden of victimhood.

The idea is simple but the process can be complicated. The first step is to cast of the identity of victim, no matter what has happened to you, and adopt the title of survivor. This is a much more powerful place to live from. Victims get victimized. Survivors survive.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who did what to whom, who’s right and wrong. The only thing worthy of your attention is how to get on with your life, move forward and make yourself happy.

Want to make the world a better place? Better yourself and the world will change around you.

I’m not intimating that we should do nothing. There are many ways to bring our betrayers to justice without having to go to jail nor turning our anger into a media carnival. We all have the capacity to perpetrate heinous acts of violent brutality upon those who wronged us. It’s natural. But that behavior is reserved for those with no moral center, who veer and crash into sociopathic psychosis. It’s for people who belong in small, cement rooms wearing ill fitting jumpsuits.

Before we go pointing our dainty fingers away from ourselves when conflict arrises, we also need to consider if and how we contributed to the problem before it blossomed into a major league crisis. When we do that, it is much less volatile because we can see our part and know that it takes two to have a proper argument.

In the rare event that you were with one of these sociopaths who conned you out of your money, house and love, engage the justice system but have faith in Karma. Trust me when I tell you the forces of nature have a way of restoring balance where there is imbalance. And if your so inclined, you’ll probably get to watch.

So what? Don’t we all want to be skinny, pretty and well coifed? Sure, if your letting advertisers and the media lease space in your brain. These innocent assumptions are at the very heart of our corrosive, infantilizing culture that would have every woman teetering on platform wedges as she makes her way from the gym to the salon to ensure her value in the world.

It’s one thing to have confidence in and enjoy your appearance. It’s quite another to live under the assumption that if you don’t fit into a very narrow and generally unattainable level of physical appearance, you are a less valuable and desirable person.

It starts when we’re girls. When we meet girls and young women our first urge is to lob a volley of socially programmed niceties, “Well, aren’t you pretty, I love your dress, your hair is beautiful.” Why shouldn’t she believe that these qualities are of the utmost importance? Enter television, movies, magazines and the cycle continues.

It’s EASY to unconsciously contribute to the cultural distractions that efficiently separate us from our power. It’s HARD to stop that impulse to compliment looks, weight etc. but we must begin to focus on more healthy conversations immediately.

Personal strength and empowerment are linked to self-esteem. Let’s promise to engage our young girls in a conversation about what they’re interested in and let them teach us a thing or two. Help them come to see that their value is inherent.

Enter a new world where all girls are encouraged to pursue their passions, not their tan lines.

When it comes to bad relationships, we always think about the obvious things we would never put up with like abuse, lies and betrayal.

But the “nice” person is the trickiest because it’s not as cut and dry.  You feel guilty about not wanting to be around them.  You find yourself saying things like, “It’s not like they’re a thief or a murderer…”  If this is the nicest thing you can say about someone you consider a friend, your definition of friendship needs an enema.

Where we run amuck is when we decide that different relationships have different standards.  When we accept bad behavior from a significant other that we would never accept from a friend, that’s a big problem.   Whether or not you want to believe it, all of your relationships are a reflection of you.

If you know someone who insists that their dull, sucky life isn’t worth sharing but asks about your life with a voracious hunger for the details, that is a red flag.  You may even like them, but is it really your job to fill the voids in their emotional lives?  All the time you spend spinning your wheels with these people could be better spent moving yourself forward.

In general, a healthy relationship has an equal exchange, both people enthusiastically contributing.   That “nice” person is a potential energy-sucking vampire looking to make a meal out of your attention.

I’m not suggesting you be ruthless these people, but I am suggesting you be ruthless with your time.  Find genuine compassion for anyone who honestly thinks their life sucks and realize that not all good people are appropriate friends.  It’s not to be exclusive, it’s to be honest.    It takes a healthy dose of self-esteem to consciously choose your friends and personal power to compassionately not enable someone.

Life is short.  Have standards.  Apply them to anyone who desires a relationship with you.

Your first line of self-defense is awareness and intuition. When you are busy putting 12 grocery bags in your trunk with your head down and your mind on your next errand, you are giving a dangerous person their most favorite thing in the world. You are giving them the power to surprise you right out of your wits.

No matter where you are or what you are doing, you need to reserve a small but crucial space in your mind for awareness. In Yoga, we call this being present. Getting present is easy: Take a deep breath, hold it gently for a few seconds, noticing all the different scents in the air, what and who is around you, how you’re feeling, then let it go slowly through your nose.

Women are blessed with the power to ‘smell’ danger. Getting present allows you to be in the moment, which connects you to your intuition. Your intuition is always there, letting you know if trouble is lurking. Staying present is just as easy. Once you realize your mind is in the Bahamas, unless you’re actually in the Bahama’s, it’s time to take another focusing breath.

Self-defense is something that should never turn off. It doesn’t take much to remain gently alert to your surroundings. Keeping yourself safe can be as easy as taking a deep, centering breath.

In a busy parking lot in LA, there were multiple attendants coordinating all the cars. The attendant at my intersection was on his phone. Not hands free, just chatting away and doing his best to multi task. At one point he clearly needed both hands to stop two of us and wave a third car through. Having only one, we were starting, stopping, trying to wave each other through. Ridiculous. Yet, I was agonizing over whether or not to say something. What’s the big deal?

Finally, I was waved forward. I rolled down my window and said, “I think you need two hands, you may want to get off your phone.” To which he replied… well, I don’t actually know. I speak Spanish, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. What was clear is that he was yelling at me. He was giving me a hard time. So I barked at him to put his phone away and kept going. Sheesh!

I decided that the manager should probably know. I wouldn’t want anyone to lose their job, but seriously, just DO your job and get off your phone. I wasn’t looking forward to the awkward drive out, I can tell you.

But I was pleasantly surprised to find that the old, grumpy man had been spirited away and replaced by a courteous younger man.

When in doubt, ask yourself: Would I expect anyone to tolerate this behavior from ME?

They demand to be a part of the revolution.  So much courage and stamina in the face of utter opposition and the threat of bodily harm.

We have come so far and have so far to go.  Although some countries require that a percentage of government and upper management business positions be held by competent women, other countries are wallowing in the fetid pools of misogynistic oppression and subjugation.

Although my beliefs are an amalgam of many religions, I think the Kabbalah has something priceless to say about such things.  Every day, the way we allow ourselves to be treated affects the way all women are treated.  In a way, we are ambassadors for the treatment of all women.

By advocating for ourselves, we contribute energy to the advocacy of women everywhere.  By allowing ourselves to be repressed and abused, we contribute energy to the oppression and abuse of women everywhere.

Even if you don’t agree, would you argue?