Like a woman who cries, “disgusting!” as she continues to unfold the last third of a centerfold, I found my self 45 pages deep into another one of my ubiquitous inspirational books when an indulgent platitude flew off the page and landed on my head like a bird poop.
As a culture of people hungry to grow and evolve, we must insist that anyone calling themself a leader either spiritual or otherwise answer one big question:
H-O-W.
Every other book I read, I want to get on the phone with the author and say, “Your ideas of turning frustration into inspirational and everlasting wellsprings of joy are wonderful, but HOW?”
All of these well-intentioned notions are ultimately about change. You changing. You changing your mind and behavior patterns so you can change your life. That’s how it works. And unless you are the rare individual who experiences Satori (single moment of mind-altering enlightenment) you will need to change slowly over time. And if platitudes keep you focused on the larger picture, great!
I’ve been watching the Olympics. These athletes have spent years, in countless hours of repetition to condition their bodies and minds to a task. When people seek change, they are no different except they have spent years training their minds and bodies in free-style dread, cross-country rage and downhill avoidance.
It’s going to take time to retrain the mind into states that will support new directions. Here are some basic first steps to think about:
1) Your Will. Are you seriously ready to change? Change is scary and it takes courage. Remember the definition of courage: The decision that something is more important than your fear.
2) Accountability. Just own it. Everything you do AND think. The moment you can admit that every success, every failure and every choice in between was to your exacting specifications, you are empowered to take on the world as an expression of your personal design.
3) Observation. The ability to see yourself as a neutral observer. Notice when you are acting in a way that you want to change. Imagine there is a compassionate, eternally patient and non-judgmental guru in you. This guru can observe any behavior with a detached curiosity. Imagine the guru asking you why you felt the need to act the way you do and what you would say knowing there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to change.
4) Conscious re-training. You’re willing to cope with the fear of change, you own your choices (even the ones that stink) and you’re noticing when you act in a way that doesn’t genuinely represent who you want to be. Now the soil is fertile to plant the seeds of conscious change. Since your observation will eventually lead you see the stimuli that produces the well-worn neuro pathways to your old behaviors, you can begin to take a moment before acting in the same way. For example, a car cuts you off. Normally, you would fly into a rage and unleash a tapestry of profanity that would embarrass Christian Bale.
Perhaps after a few conversations with your inner guru, you might have realized that this reaction was based on a cascade of misperceptions such as YOU personally were cut off, that driver was inconsiderate to YOU on purpose. If you dug deeper, perhaps you might have discovered that particular situation makes you feel powerless so you rail against it. Once you can forgive an inconsiderate person in the moment, the rage will lessen. Eventually, you may even be able to let go of your need to control other people, tap your breaks and give the inconsiderate driver all the space they can handle.
So cheers to you for your courageous endeavor to grow, evolve and change the world. Remember that every leader you give the gift of your followship needs to give you the gift of How. You deserve to have a map to your destiny. You’ll have plenty of learning and unique discoveries at your stops along the way.
